I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize