everyone is single if you try hard enough
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize