She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
