Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize