2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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