Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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