I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
