I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
