Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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