there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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