the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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