found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
being pregnant is like rehab
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
