Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
