I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
