Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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