So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
