I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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