you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
