Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
