I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
