well you can't waste a boner
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My vagina is officially offended.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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