I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
