i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
