ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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