Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize