I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
