My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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