Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
