He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Randomize
