This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
