Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm passing your future prison.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
