If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize