i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Randomize
