Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I deserve this hangover.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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