shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
