there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
