Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
