I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
