I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
