i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
