dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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