i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
