I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can I color on your dick again?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
