Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize