I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
