I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think your dad took our porno
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
