Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
