um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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