He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
