I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
