yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
