I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
