you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
