I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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