I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
