Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
