YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
