i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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