she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
