Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
