If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
