The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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