Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
