i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
