well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
