Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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