the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
