Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
