We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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