Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
